Love & Respect- Introduction

Welcome to the official kickoff lesson to our new study called “Love and Respect” based on the book of the same name written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and published by Focus on the Family. Although the book is written primarily for married couples the principles discussed are applicable to any relationship between adult men and women. We will follow the general outline of the book, but not necessarily limit ourselves to marriage relationships in our study time. Valuable insight into other adult relationships may be gained from time to time. Examples could be, co-worker relationships, ministry relationships or social relationships.

This is going to be a challenging study, not intellectually, but emotionally and spiritually. The challenge each one of us faces is that of comparing God’s values with our own. At some point in the next few weeks each individual will experience the temptation to reject what God’s message to us is. I fully expect all of us to have a crisis of faith at some level as we have to face our own shortcomings. One of the tried and true methods of dealing with this is to be genuinely open to God and to each other. I want each of us to encourage one other here every week through attendance and open dialogue.

Now I’ve scared everybody I think we should take an initial look at the single verse of Scripture that this entire time will be focused on, Eph 5:33:

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. NASU

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. KJV

So again I say, a man must love his wife as a part of himself; and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband-obeying, praising, and honoring him. TLB

And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband. MSG

Now the ladies are about to hear the first big challenge, here is the Amplified Bible version of Eph 5:33.

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly] AMP

Before we move to dissecting and understanding this verse, what kind of feelings or thoughts does it bring up?

This little 27-word verse is simply packed with Godly wisdom, some of it explicit, but more of it is implied. To correctly understand what Scripture is telling us here we need to put the verse in context.

The book of Ephesians was written to the members of the church in Ephesus, which was the center of paganism and spiritual warfare in what is now called Turkey, but was then called Asia. It was the site of the great temple of Artemis (one of the seven wonders of the ancient world), also called Diana, the goddess of love in ancient Greece. The church there was founded by the Apostle Paul, who spent more time there (when free) than any of his other mission churches. He installed his “spiritual” son, Timothy, as the pastor as he, Paul, knew the church would require mature and steadfast believers to protect its flock. The church there was subject to constant spiritual attack, which is why Paul wrote the letter. In chapter’s 1 through 3, the Apostle Paul, the author, reminds all of the church there of where they came from, and what a great salvation they have received.

Our verse comes in the middle of a section of Scripture that starts at Eph 4:1 and goes through to the end of the book. Let’s begin by reading Eph 4:1-2:

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, NASU

Paul is asking the Ephesians to live their lives in accordance with their calling as Christians. This is a timeless message. Right in the middle of the three chapters on how to conduct ourselves he puts the piece on how to relate to one another as men and women.

Starting at verse 25 of chapter 5, let’s read to the end of the chapter.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. NASU

As we can see the author places the marriage relationship in the same light as the church relationship, this places the leadership responsibility on the man. As Jesus demonstrated servant and sacrificial leadership to His church, the man must do the same for his wife. The man is to live in “Agape” love toward his wife. We discussed “Agape” love last week; does anybody recall what it is? (A willful or purposed sense of affection for another) Love is not a feeling, it is an act of the will.

This is where I’m going to offer some additional insight not included in our text. The book focuses on verse 5:33 only, which is not a bad thing, but I believe it is an incomplete thing. I want us to look at it with the inclusion of verse 32 as well. Let’s reread them!

In verse 32 we are told that “this mystery is great”, and since we know that this statement doesn’t come in front of the entire sub-section of the letter, we can safely assume that it refers to only what comes next, namely verse 33, our focus verse. After our verse we see an entirely new section of Scripture covering a different subject. This means that verse 32 is singularly to be applied only to verse 33, and deserves significant attention. So what does it really tell us? (Open for ideas)

It tells us that whatever is said in verse 33 is something of a mystery. It is one of those things that simply is the way it is, like gravity, or the three persons in one God we follow. Some of us will accept it, some may reject it and more may question it. The point is, as believers, we are challenged to make a decision, do we accept it or not? Accept what you may ask?

My answer is this, God’s design. Verse 33 says that men are to love their wives, and women are to respect their husbands. If you approach this with the mind of a child, it is simple. If you approach this verse with an adults’ skepticism you will miss what God has for you. This is what we in America call “A Big Deal”.

Verse 33 is broken into two parts:

· Men, love your wives.
· Women, respect your husbands.

I don’t know about you, but I find that very easy to say, and hard to do. There is absolutely no room to maneuver, no escape clauses, no contingencies and no what ifs. God is clear, and that challenges us.

This is it fellas, if you want to be obedient to God, you have to love your wives, period, end of story. There is no room for “if” or “maybe” in this. She can look like Godzilla in drag, gotta love her. She can keep stealing the remote, gotta love her, she can insist you go to chick flicks, gotta love her. She can bore you to tears with her stories, gotta love her! She can treat you like dirt, gotta love her! She can complain and whine constantly, gotta love her! She can be the most disrespectful and unlovable person you have ever met, gotta love her. And why? Because God says so!

Gals, you have it too, you have to be respectful toward your husband. He can be a big slob, gotta respect him! He can look like Homer Simpson, gotta respect him! He can eat like a pig in public, gotta respect him! He can forget to put the seat down, gotta respect him! He can insist that you watch Football, Basketball and Baseball with him, gotta respect him! He can ask if you’ve gained a few pounds lately, gotta respect him! He can be the most unrespectable person you’ve ever met, gotta respect him. And why? Because God says so!

Are you beginning to feel the challenge?

Okay, let us have a little fun now; can I have my skit one volunteers please? (Introduce skit one and let it roll)

What do you think? How much love and respect was going on here? Can anybody spot some of the mistakes? Okay, now for the big question, can anybody relate to that conversation? (Discuss for just a couple of minutes)

All right, let’s listen to skit two. (Introduce the skit two volunteers, and let it roll)

(Same thing, ask the same questions, and discuss for a couple of minutes.)

Now let’s turn to page five in our book. You should be looking at the crazy cycle. This shows how when we men are unloving toward our wives their natural response is to be disrespectful toward us. Also if a wife is disrespectful toward her husband, she is setting herself up to become unloved.

This is more than just a truth about a marital relationship; it also applies to adult men to women relationships in any setting. The only difference is where the boundaries are set. Think about your co-workers. For men with female co-workers, if you are kind and patient (attributes of love from 1 Cor 13) toward them, aren’t they more productive and easier to work with? For women, when you are affirming and admiring the male co-worker’s work, aren’t they more ready to help and willing to please?

Are you challenged some more?

Over the next few weeks we are going to uncover some of the things we do to be unloving or disrespectful to each other. But I have a promise for you, if you learn that as men move toward being loving to the women in their life, and the women begin to be more respectful to the men, all their relationships will improve.

Next week we are covering the subject of communication in the context of being loving and respectful.