About Ourselves

Welcome to the seventh lesson in our “control freak” series. Over the last few weeks we’ve taken a look at the following things:

· What is control?
· Who is in control?
· Characteristics of a “Control Freak”.
· Why “Control Freaks” act the way they do.
· Control Freak co-workers and bosses, Control Freak spouses, Control Freak parents and in-laws, and Control Freak kids.

Now we come to the place you have all been waiting for; us! This morning I want to talk about some of the following questions:

· Am I a “Control Freak”?
· How much of a “Control Freak” am I?
· Where does my “Control Freak” nature come from?
· What can I do about it?

I want to start with each of us taking the test from the book. I have reproduced it here for ease of use. Let’s take just a few minutes to do it, answering every question, even if it doesn’t seem to apply, and then we’ll talk about the results. (The test is posted immediately prior to this posting for those that want to print it out. Please remember it is directly out of the "Control Freak" book by Les Parrott, and is subject to copyright law)

Before we score ourselves I would like to ask a different question, is it Scriptural to take a test like this? Let us look at Lam 3:40, to find out.

Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the Lord. NASU

The answer to my query is obviously “yes”, and now I am going to ask another question, does this verse speak to you in some way? And now let’s look at Ps 139:23-24, was this, or something like it, your response?

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. NASU

I am aware that this kind of questioning about how we respond to the prompting of God can lead us into a “guilt trip”, or we might feel that we’ve let God down with a lesser response than the Psalmist gives. The feelings that come up at a time like this are real and they are our internal response to the prodding of the Holy Spirit. These internal reactions can be met with gratefulness as it confirms that our God cares so much about us that He wants to prompt us to come to Him in all things. Please close your eyes now and allow me to quote the Psalmist again, but this time make it your personal prayer, take ownership of these verses for the time you are here this morning.

How do you feel about what we just did?

Okay, it is now time to score:

For each “a” give yourself a point, “b” gets two points, “c” gets three and “d” four. Calculate your total, page 160 of the book gives us the author’s general assessment of what he thinks the scores mean. I am more interested in the individual questions:

Q1 – The “to-do” list. Does anybody have such a list? Do you keep one for other people, either written or in your memory? Do you have them from time to time, but not all the time? How do you handle “to-do” items? Do you fret about your list? Do you ignore it?

This is one of those sometimes positive, and sometimes negative things. Can you give me examples or reasons for this?

· Lists imply order (+ve)
· Lists imply focus (+ve)
· Lists for others can be helpful for getting chores done. (+ve)
· Lists for others can be used to control them! (-ve)
· Lists can lead us to worry. (-ve)
· Lists can contribute to workaholism. (-ve)

Does God like lists? In Exodus 20:1-17, God speaks into existence the first ever “to-do” list, we call it the “Ten Commandments”. The point of this list was to show us all that we were not able “to do” what He asked, and that we needed His grace to overcome our sin. And yes, it did give order and focus to the Israelites, it was helpful in getting things done, but it was also used by man to control other men, and to push them into worrying about their eternity, and even to do crazy things to themselves.

Q2 – Am I critical? Do I really have to say anything about this? I suppose I should. Do you remember in our first couple of lessons we talked about “criticism”, here are some of the high points:

· Mt 7:1-5, the log person!
· The big lie – “My criticism will make a big difference in their lives”.
· The root of criticism is pride and arrogance; someone is trying to play God!
· God says – James 4:11-12.

Q3 – I make plans, they want to change them. How flexible are you? Are you known as a donkey, I couldn’t use the word I was thinking about here? Are you known as a team player? I have only one point to make here:

· 1 Cor 12:12, we are all members of one body.

Q4 – Disagreement with others. Are you a disagreeable person? Do you argue a lot, like me! Is conflict your way of dealing with life?

· 1 Th 5:13(b) – Live in peace with one another.
· Eph 5:21 – Be subject to one another.

Yes, conflict is almost unavoidable, it comes your way. However, you can choose how you react. God says try to live in peace and submission, even in conflict.

Q5 – The slow driver. I sometimes have trouble with this guy, I used to be a firm “d”, ride the bumper, but I’ve been making progress. Anybody else want to comment? Does anyone have some “other driver” pet peeves?

My interpretation of the slow driver is that their actions are stopping me from moving forward at my pace, they are controlling me, which is why I get peeved. The same basic reality is true in many facets of life. For example, we all know family members who eat slowly, holding up our forward progress. Or, are you the one who can’t pick an item off the menu, so the waiter has to come back five times before you are ready. These “slow” actions can be controlling, but are usually not motivated by the need to control.

Q6 – Vacation arrangements. This control freak wants to make sure that everybody has a good time, by his or her definition. I really dislike the person who tries to make all my decisions for me; they are taking something away from me. It is called “choice”!

In this type of situation it is all about consensus, or something we can all live with. At best the person who does this is trying to make sure things go okay, but at worst, they are motivated by selfishness. Sometime it is hard to say which.

Q7 – How people succeed. This is actually a very spiritual issue. Let me ask the class, what is success? What does the class think God’s imperative is on this issue? Let’s look at one Scripture. Galatians 5:22-23, which says:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. NASU

This is probably something you have heard before, but have you heard it as a measure of success? What do I mean by this?

I am at the point in my faith where success is defined by phrases like:

· How close am I to God?
· Am I being Christ like?
· Do I resist temptations?
· Am I doing what God wants me to?
· Am I loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled?

So this is the Scriptural measure of success, how much do I bear the fruit of the Spirit? Are you challenged by this thought? Good!

Q8 – Rest. Do I get enough rest? When I rest am I fretting about what I have to do? Do I think rest is for “weak” people? Do I subscribe to the old adage “Idle hands are the devil’s playground”? Let me show you something.

· Gen 2:1-3, what does it say about rest?

God Himself rested, he even gave us the formula, one day in seven. Who are we to say that rest is not appropriate? Personally, I don’t think we rest enough. I am even going to say that those who chose not to rest are saying that God is wrong, which is a prideful and contemptuous action statement.

Do you remember that great movie “Chariots of Fire” and the central crisis in the story? It is about two runners, Harold Abrahams, a secular Jew, and Eric Liddell, a devout Christian. The crisis occurs because Eric who qualified for the 100-yard dash finals in the 1924 Olympics would not compete as it was to be run on a Sunday, the day of rest. He gave up his chance of a gold medal, and fame and glory to be obedient to God’s word. Liddell went on to be a missionary.

Will you take God’s admonition to rest seriously?

Q9 – The borrowed DVD. This one made me smile. I’m a little like that. In this case the lender feels like their whole life is in chaos unless the DVD is in it proper place. Can you imagine letting something like that stress you out? I guess I had better ask if anybody deals with this. Jesus had a very simple word to say about this, look at Mk 4:18-19.

And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word, but the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. NASU

This is part of the interpretation of the parable of the sower. It identifies that the worrier, who knows the word of God, gets so absorbed in worldly things that they become “unfruitful”, or useless for God’s purposes.

There is a lot of wisdom in the catchy saying, “Don’t sweat the little things!”

Q10 – Things aren’t going well. For some people their whole sense of “self worth” is wrapped up in their work. When things aren’t going well, they are not well, or put another way, they are sick! If you operate this way, you are probably shortening your life span. When someone wraps up their personal sense of well being with “work” they are demonstrating what they really believe in their hearts. They believe that they are a “human doing” not a “human being”! They believe a lie:

· If I do more and I do it well, I will be a better person.

What a trap! Jesus got to the heart of the matter in Mt 16:26:

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? NASU

When you work, work, work, you give up something. Not sleeping at night over work or other worldly issues is a way to “forfeit your soul”, so beware!

Q11 – Paying the bills. I think that this question is about more than paying the bills. It is an example of somebody wanting to be in charge and in control. I know this is somewhat of a generalization, but, I think that the more a person adopts this “I’ll do it, to make sure it is done and done right” attitude, the more of a CF they are! There are several potential problems with this:

· People around this individual are delivered the message “You are not competent to do this task properly, I don’t trust you!”
· The perpetrator is exhibiting some contempt for others abilities, and/or pride in their own skills.
· People who could do the task choose to stay away from the individual, resulting in a loss of relationship at some level.
· It delivers a message to others that they are not wanted or needed.

What I would like to point out here is that if we get to acting in this controlling way it might be useful to put ourselves in the place of the other people involved. Let us check out what God has to say about this in Mt 7:12.

In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. NASU

This is commonly known as “The Golden Rule”.

Q12 – Why am I here this morning? We’ll finish today by asking this as an open question to the class.


Next week we will be looking at things we can do to help ourselves reduce any “control freakishness” we may have.