What we can change.

Now we are finally getting down to the place where “The Rubber Meets The Road”, we are about to look at what we can realistically do with ALL the things we have been learning. It is time to change! Are you ready?

First, let us take a quick look at where we have been.

We have learned that the DNA of Relationships is made up of three strands:

1. We are designed for relationship.
2. We have been given the freedom to choose.
3. We have responsibility for ourselves.

We have come to understand that how we internalize these three basic truths will determine the quality of all our relationships. The author of our study guidebook has given us some practical tools to use, which can help us improve our relationship situations. These are:

· Take Personal Responsibility.
· Create a Safe Environment.
· Keep Your Battery Charged.
· Listen With the Heart.
· Adopt a No-Losers Policy.

I want to be sure that we notice that these tools are all personal action items. Each of the five statements begins with an “action verb”, and each speaks to something we have personal control over. This is where today’s subject of change begins, with personal control.

I like what the author says about change:

· There is no guarantee of success.

I agree with him that this needs to be said. When we start a process of change in our lives, we can set our expectations. If we set them in high places we are more likely to experience frustration or even pain when our change goal(s) are not met. If we set our eyes on progress and not a target we can more easily deal with how our attempts at change are going.

What is missing from this entire chapter is this:

· No change, guaranteed failure.

Definitions and quotes:

Webster’s – To become different.

John Kennedy - Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

M. Scott Peck - The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Ralph Waldo Emerson - Life is a progress, and not a station.

Unknown - Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

On that lighter note is it finally time to really get down to it. Let us begin by asking a few questions:

· Is change something that God wants from me? Yes!
· If it is, then what does He want me to change?
· What does He want me to change to?

We are going to focus for the next few minutes on the “what does He want me to change” question.

I want to take a look at three scriptures here, Rom 12:2, Ph 2:12-13 and Eph 1:18.

· In Rom 12:2 we see Paul using the word “transformed” where “changed” could have been used. We all know and understand that to transform is to change, so why is this change put this way? The answer to this is found in the original Greek, Paul used the word “metamorphoo” from which we get “metamorphosis”, and that signifies a radical change. A good example would be a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.
· Ph 12:12-13 talks about “working out our salvation”. This scripture gets to the heart of what Godly change is about; we work, on our own, salvation. The Greek word used here (soteria) can be used in the sense of salvation, as in “being saved”, but also in another meaning, becoming healthy or sometimes, being delivered. It can be used in both a physical or moral sense. The message here is that change involves our own effort, our own being, and our own body and soul in our actions.
· Eph 1:18 discusses our need to have our hearts changed, or enlightened, so that we know the hope of His calling. The word calling refers to His plan for us.
· I also want to point out that all three of these scriptures refer to this “change” as being within God’s will. More on this in a few minutes.

Notice that the three scriptures refer to three different aspects of our inner being. Rom 12:2 covers the mind, Ph 2:12-13 focuses on our will (or purpose) and Eph 1:18 identifies the heart. It is with this knowledge that we make the following statement.

· It is God’s will for me to change.

Since this is true, we can also make another statement:

· It is NOT God’s will for me to NOT change.

Having established that God wants us to change, we can now look at “what” He wants us to alter. The answer to this has already been spoken about today. We identified three aspects of our inner being. The mind, heart and will; and what are these usually called when combined together? The soul!

So now we know that God wants us to change, and what about us He wants to change. The next question we would like to have an answer for is the third one from earlier in the lesson:

· What does He want me to change to?

The answer to this is really very straightforward. Let us take a look at Col 3:10. After we read it I will quote it from the Living Bible, which has an excellent paraphrase of the verse.

You are living a brand new kind of life that is continually learning more and more of what is right, and trying constantly to be more and more like Christ who created this new life within you. TLB

See, I told you it was easy. God wants us to become more like Christ. He wants us to “try constantly” and “continually learn”. This brings me to a more definitive statement about change, which I have written in the first person.

· I know it is God’s will for me to continually try to change my soul to be more and more like Christ.

I want to spend just a moment now on a little theology. When God created us, he said in Genesis 1:27, that He created us in His image. We know that God is spirit, Jesus Himself said this in Jn 4:24. This means that we were created in His image, but in a spiritual sense. Because of our disobedience our spirit, or soul, became damaged, and was no longer the exact image of God. The intimate connection between man and God was broken. But God had a plan! He sent Jesus to us, and He lived, as a man, a perfect and righteous life, demonstrating how we can be, if we choose. Jesus had an intimate connection with God the father. God has therefore, through His son, Jesus, shown us how to get back to being “the image of God”. We are to become like His son, Jesus. If any of us desire a more intimate connection with God, we must work at becoming more like Christ, we must change by moving toward Him. Finally, God knows how hard it is for us to throw off the chains of sin, so not only did he tell us to work on changing, but He gave us a helper, Himself, in the form of the Holy Spirit. What a God we have! If you have any questions about this subject I would be glad to address them now.

At this point I think it is highly, and I mean highly, important to say something. I am now holding up my Bible, and I am going to make a statement for you.

· Nowhere in this book does it say I can change another person!

Why is it that we believe the great lie that we can change somebody else? That is actually a question that we will cover in our next study, starting in two weeks time, called “The Control Freak”.

Now I’m going to look at some of the points the author covers in the change chapter.

Serendipity

This word comes from the Persian fairy tale of the “Three Princes of Serendip”, where these three characters were always making valuable and beneficial discoveries when they weren’t looking for them. Change brings “Serendipitous” events.

By agreeing with God that personal changes in one’s life are necessary, or put another way, realizing that we need to stop the insanity of repeating our failing behaviors or decisions; we are opening our lives up to changes that God wants to make. When we say to the lord, “I’m going to try to do it your way”, we break down the barriers of disobedience and rebellion in our lives, allowing Him to work in us, and just as the Philippians scripture we read earlier says. When we work at change, and He works with and in us, wonderful things can happen. After all God promises He will never do anything to harm us, let’s look at James 1:17 and Ps 119:68.

The book uses an example of a wife who spent years trying to change her husband into something she wanted. When she finally “got it”, which means she realized that she can only change herself, she started to spiritually mature. Then her husband found that he didn’t have to spend a great deal of his time and emotional energy on dealing with her constant whining, so he was able to focus more on his own actions. Then under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, he changed, and it was better for both of them!

Guarantees

There are none! When we embark of a journey of change, we may set sail with a particular destination in mind. Sometimes we simply cannot get there. An example could be, we take up running, intending to run a marathon after some training, but you develop bad knees, and have to give up your dream. The change you were making was a healthy choice, but the reality of bad knees stopped you. If you had set yourself a high expectation of running the big race, and couldn’t do it, you are setting your heart up for a bad experience. What if you had said, I’m going to begin running, and see how I do. You have begun the same journey, but you are allowing the road you travel to tell you how much you can do. When your bad knees get to you, you can say, I’ve gone as far as I can on this road, I need to take a new one. That is when you could take up swimming, which is also a healthy road.

The book says this very well on page 177; I’ve modified it slightly:

If you choose to travel down the road of personal transformation, the worst that can happen is that you will end up with a life that is far more enjoyable, satisfying, fulfilling and helpful to others than the one you have now.

It is important to understand that even if you desire to change into someone that is more honoring to God, it doesn’t mean that it is guaranteed to happen. As an example, I love praise and worship music, and I desire to be able to play an instrument and more importantly, be able to sing strongly and with perfect pitch. It hasn’t happened yet!


Personal Power

When we decide to change, we must be careful to only work on ourselves and the things we actually have control over. You only have the personal power to deal with your “stuff”. I think the serenity prayer says it so well:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Do you accept the things and people around you, just the way they are? Or are you a perpetual victim, not changing the things you can? Do you have the wisdom to be able to differentiate one from another? These are questions you can ask yourself later.

Motivation

I want to say a few words here about the “why” of change. In is important to be honest with your self about why you desire to change. Let us look at a very instructive verse from the book of Jeremiah, Jer 17:9. We have probably all heard that before, and I think it is smart for us to consider what it is saying before we begin changes. What is our real motivation? Is it to change to other person, is it to manipulate somebody, and is it for selfish gain?

The best example of I could think of in the area of motivation is found in Ps 51, let us read Ps 51:1-12. Do you remember the background to this Psalm? It is found in second Samuel, chapters 11 and 12. It is the story of David and Bathsheba.

In this Psalm, David is heartbroken because of his actions, and in verse 10 asks God to create in him a “new heart”. He asks God to destroy his old motivations and replace them with something pure. He wants to change, and he comes to God confessing his sin and seeking cleansing and purifying from God so that he can be made into somebody new.

Couldn’t that be the motivation and goal of our change? To have a clean and pure heart, made that way by God Himself. Just like David, our desired changes ought to involve only two people, God and ourselves.

That concludes today’s lesson on change. Next week we’ll be tying it all together, with our concluding lesson for this series. The week after we will begin our new study, which is called “The Control Freak”.