Dealing With Current Relationships

Good morning and welcome to the last lesson in our “Safe People” series. Today we are going to spend half our time on our topic of, “Dealing with current relationships”. The rest of our time will be covering the question, “What have I learned, or changed in my personal behavior, as a result of this study?” I am basing the teaching time on chapter 13 of our book, which is titled “Repair or Replace?”

By now we have all probably learned more about how to identify “them”, you know the “unsafe ones”. You know who I’m talking about, the users, abusers and manipulators, the abandoners, critics and irresponsibles, the unforgivers, blamers and shamers. We all have them in our lives, and I want to remind us all of the classic verse which we ought to try to remember. It is 1 Cor 15:33 which says:

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." NASU

In the context of our study what does it say? Maybe a more interesting question though is, “What does it not say?” (Discuss)

In the strictest sense Paul, the writer, was talking about not getting misled by false or bad teaching in our attempts to live a Godly life. In our context here I think it is best thought of as a warning to be careful about how, “bad company”, meaning unsafe people, can lead us away from a godly life. What it doesn’t say though is to “only associate with safe people”, or to “remove all unsafe people totally from your life”. Let us look at why these two statements might be true.

First, what if we only associated with “safe people”, how would that be for us? (Discuss) When I thought about this there were several things that crossed my mind. I thought that it might be a very healthy thing, to be around people who would help get my needs met, and who I could in turn help when they had needs. I still like that idea. Then I thought that would mean I wouldn’t have chance to meet the needs of unsaved people. That in turn meant I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my part in the great commission, which says in Mt 28:18-20:

And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." NASU

My last big thought about only associating with safe people was that would mean I might have to not associate with my family, as they have some level of unsafeness about them. Does anybody have anything to say about that?

What if we actually tried to remove all the unsafe people from our life? Wouldn’t we be better off? We wouldn’t have to deal with any immoral infections, isn’t that a blessing? The unthinking answer is obviously “yes”, but is it the “right” answer? (Discuss) Can you think of some reasons why the actual answer is “no”, we should not remove all the unsafe people from our life. Here are some I came up with:

· They can be a lot of fun! (That may not be a “righteous” answer!)
· They provide us with challenge.
· They need help; they have problems.
· God is close to them. (Ps 34:18)

It is that last reason that is the important one, let us look at this issue by reading Ps 34:18:

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. NASU

Please follow me in this. The core or general reason that somebody is unsafe is that there are things that are malfunctioning in their soul. The Mind, Heart and Will are not working well together, and most likely are not operating in God’s will. Scripture calls this brokenhearted. So let me paraphrase our verse here for our study purposes.

Jesus is close to unsafe people, and saves those that are spiritually crushed.

It is God, and only God, who is able to heal or change a brokenhearted person. So He is always near to and ready to help an unsafe person when they want His assistance. Think about a time when you were down and out, wasn’t God ready to leap into action when you called His name? God is our witness, He is our example, and if He chooses to be near the brokenhearted then so do I. Let me say it another way, if you are looking for God, go find someone to help, because He is there!

Our book lays out a six-step process out for helping people in our lives that are unsafe. The authors have done a great job of explaining it all, so I only want to reinforce a couple of points.

· Change – The unsafe person will only change when they are willing to. God Himself will not force someone to change, and neither should we! Change is almost never accomplished quickly, so exercise that wonderful spiritual gift you have called “patience”. Always remember that you may also need to make a few changes too!
· Spread the load – Memorize the truth of Pr 11:14(b) which says, “But in abundance of counselors there is victory.” (NASU) Seek the help of other safe people, in the provision of counsel or emotional comfort and support.

That is all I want to say, from a teaching perspective, now we can move to the time of testimony. Here are three questions to focus on:

· What have you learned as a result of this study?
· What actual changes of behavior have you made in your life?
· Have you seen any positive changes in the behavior of those around you, as you have made your changes?

I want to thank everybody for sticking it out through this long study, and I promise you that if you adhere to the principles laid out over the last four months, life will get easier for you.